I’m still on the question of why women insist on believing the fiction that we can change men we date, and I think I've been looking at this the wrong way around. I need to take the question a step back: why are women attracted to damaged, dysfunctional guys with daddy issues in the first place?
At least one reason I had right is that we need to feel superior to him in some way. Women aren't idiots. We know that by and large we come with a little extra crazy and at some point in the relationship we won't be able to repress it any longer and it'll come spewing out and KILL HIM. (If only.) That is, we're aware that most guys' ability to refrain from mentally dissecting every detail of the relationship gives them a distinct advantage over us. Women can fight the crazy, but we can't eradicate it altogether, and this sucks.
So what do we do about it? We gravitate to messed-up guys who will make us feel less vulnerable when we act like nut jobs because they’re acting like nut jobs too. The problem is that guys with a lot of issues are-- spoiler alert!-- terrible boyfriend material. If he can't handle his own crap, he can't handle hers; and ultimately when she begins to lean on him, he won’t be there, no matter how much her illogical brain wants him to be after all these damn Sandra Bullock movies. And then of course she tries to change him, and we all know how well that usually works.
Basically we women discover our masochistic streak when we choose to date losers in an attempt to avoid vulnerability, but in that scenario nobody wins. We want him because he’s a jerk, and then we find ourselves inexplicably stuck with a jerk. Because—once again for emphasis, people—we can’t change others.
Freaking Elizabeth Bennet.
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